Happy or Vengeful?

Reenie recently asked about the meaning of my tag line: Two's Company; Three's HOV. Nope, Reen, it doesn't mean that we're "Hot on Vegetables" (though I'm not going to deny it). For those who have never been stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic while watching cars whiz by in the next lane, "HOV" stands for "High Occupancy Vehicle."

Cars that qualify for HOV get to ride in a special lane, which usually is (though not always) much less crowded and has a higher speed limit than the normal lanes. What qualifies as HOV depends on which road you're on, but the main interstate near us is HOV-3, which means you must have at least 3 occupants in the car.

There has been much discussion and debate over the HOV rules. The most philosophical area of traffic law deals with the question of what constitutes a "person" under HOV jurisprudence. You can understand the degree of Constitutional significance this line of thought raises. It is now a matter of well-settled HOV law that a fetus is not a "person" for purposes of using the HOV lanes. A pregnant woman only counts as "one" when answering to the traffic cop.

But a baby definitely qualifies as a "person" for HOV purposes. So when Ry, Tess and I are in the car together, the whole world of HOV suddenly opens up for us!

The matter of HOV lanes also affects Ry's morning commute. After trying various options to get to work in the morning, we discovered the SLUG line! "Slugs" are basically carpoolers that meet at a designated area and wait for cars to take them into work. Drivers need at least two other riders headed to the same destination so they can take the fast HOV lanes into work. Riders get a fast, free ride into work.

You can imagine why we were a little wary of Ry thumbing a ride with a complete stranger into DC every morning. It's actually a pretty well-organized system, with an established code of etiquette. Lots of people told us that slugging is the only way to go, and it's worked out well for Ry. It gives him time to read the morning newspaper, and anyone who knows Ryan knows there isn't much else he'd rather be doing.


(In this photo, Ry is the tallest person in the middle of the slug line.)

Early on Ry had some pretty interesting experiences with a few slugging characters, who clearly were not well versed in slugger etiquette. The first few weeks, I used to write down the license plate number of every car he got into.

For a while Ry was keeping a "slugging diary" to record some of his most memorable morning commutes. He was going to write a book, "A Day in the Life of a Slug." What do you think? Does he have a best seller? Here are a couple entries from Fall 2005:

"Scratchy-voiced man with his black hair in a pony tail, sporting black shades, black jeans, and a black leather jacket. Early 50s. Car reeked of cigarette smoke. Discoursed for 30 minutes on a variety ofsubjects, including:

• His tax troubles and dealings with the IRS.
• His two unsuccessful marriages.
• The way highway merging should be done. When cars should and shouldn't be allowed to merge in.
• Scientific findings regarding stem cell research, including the fact that women are born with all their eggs and they'll get pregnant at menopause sometimes because of a blood marrow transplant which stimulates stem cells which move up into her ovaries and produce new eggs. Described menopause as a "disease."
• Decried excise taxes on cigarettes. Said the excise tax on the purchase of 600 beers was the equivalent of the excise tax on one carton of cigarettes.
• Said he wore what he did because the smoking area outside his office was near a homeless shelter. Said that homeless, the schizophrenics, and the "psychos" didn't bother him because of his clothing, but the criminals living under assumed names and criminals who hadn't been charged were the ones who bothered him in the smoking area. He said he had considered going back to the "Brooks Brothers" look.
• The dangers of cigarette smoking. Said he had smoked on average four packs a day since he was thirteen. Said it was more difficult to smoke that much during his time in the service. Said that scientific research had shown that a man and woman who started smoking on the same day, the woman would experience health problems first. Said it was because they didn't spit out the tar, which was the real danger in cigarettes. He said he spit out the tar. Said he and his young buddies regularly competed to see who could spit a loogie the furthest, but women weren't used to spitting. Said he knew this because he had been married twice and had a girlfriend.
• Talked about how he had pneumonia at one point. Went to his doctor who diagnosed a blood clot due to smoking. He told the doctor that it couldn't be a blood clot; it was pneumonia. Doctor ordered an MRI. Turned out to be pneumonia; he had a collapsed lung. He said that his smoking hadn't affected his stamina or breathing.
• Said when he went to rock concerts, he could get into the mosh pits and last longer than the kids."

"Aging hippie and his wife/girlfriend. Man had gray hair and beard. Younger Rip van Winkle. Woman looked like former flower child. Both in their fifties. Drove an aging American-made pickup truck. Messy inside. Camouflage jacket on the floor. Reeked of cigarette smoke and air freshener and pet dander. Probably a big dog regularly rode along. Talked about how the area had changed and how the new trend was to convert rental units into condos and townhouses for sale. The
man said little was done to them. Slap on some paint, do some land-'scraping,' that's it. He said he liked it much better in the Mid-Atlantic than in a city like New York City, which he said he
couldn't stand because of all the 'freaks and weirdos with AIDS and herpes' living up there."

I remember watching Ryan get into that pickup truck and thinking, "Is he absolutely CRAZY?" He was clear at the back of the slug line and for some strange reason no one else in the front of the line wanted to cram in the front seat with Mr. and Mrs. Van Winkle. But Ry just hops right on in! I think for a while there, he was trying to pick the most adventurous ride just so he could gather material for his book.

After the pick-up experience, I told Ry he'd have to sacrifice his book and be a little more discerning when selecting his rides. He hasn't had a memorable morning commute for quite some time now. All the better to read the morning newspaper.