2016 Tidbits

December

Tess, talking to Miriam: "Dad said he wants me to read the newspaper.  When he says something like that, he usually means that NOW."  

Drew, getting ready for our Christmas Eve children's nativity performance: "I want to be the German shepherd!"

Drew: "Remember those two people who were born first in that jungle place?"

Miriam: "Ummm, Adam and Eve?"

Drew: "Yeah! Well I know who was born second after them--Santa!!!" 

Miriam: "Santa?"

Drew: "Yeah!  'Cuz someone had to bring them presents there, right?  That just makes a little bit more sense when you think of it."

Miriam: "So Santa brought Adam and Eve presents in the Garden of Eden?"

Drew: "Yeah! They didn't have any clothes, so maybe Santa brought them clothes. 'Ho, ho, ho! Here's some clothes!'"

Drew, wearing a large winter stocking cap: "I'm bringing a little snack for the car ride...in my hat!"

Tess: "If we had a girl Elf on the Shelf, it wouldn't be very active.  I've talked to my friends at school and their girl Elves sit on shelves.  I told them my Elf does things like yoga in the refrigerator."  

Drew was randomly saying words that rhyme with dad.  After he said "cad," I (Ryan) told him that a cad is someone who's not nice and doesn't care about other people's feelings.  

Drew: "I know someone who's a cad!  Donald Trump!  He's a cad, but not to boys.  Just to girls, to women.  Donald Trump is a cad, Donald Trump is a cad to women." 

Ryan: "Who told you that Donald Trump is a cad?""

Drew: "My teacher."

Drew then wanted to see a photo of Trump.  After I showed him one, Drew said, "I want to speak to him now and say, 'You shouldn't be a cad to women!'"  

Drew, lifting up a large, unopened package: "What's in this box?"

Ryan: "I can't tell you.  It's a surprise.  It might be something for you."  

Drew:  "Anyway it's not something for me."  

Ryan: "How do you know?"

Drew: "'Cuz it's heavy and I didn't want anything heavy."  

Tess' entirely unimpressed reaction to finding Morley this morning standing on a skateboard in her shoes: "Seriously?!  I was hoping he would have found my missing Lego piece.  And I was going to wear those shoes."

Drew's prayer for Family Home Evening: "Dear Heavenly Father, please bless that we'll have a good day.  Please bless that Jesus will have a good time.  Name of Jesus Christ, amen."  

Tess and Drew were uncharacteristically helpful and independent getting ready for bed. By the time I (Miriam) came up, they were both in pajamas, with teeth brushed and Tess was marking off Drew's reading log because she was going to read him his bedtime story.  When I tucked Drew in, I asked why he and Tess getting were getting along so well and being so helpful.

 Drew: "'Cuz I love my sister. And well, I figured out Santa might want to bring me presents. And because Christmas is all about loving."

Drew spent most of the afternoon crying because our Christmas tree has an angel on top--not a star. 

"It's going to be such a boring Christmas with an angel!"

Drew's original joke after reading a book about sharks: "Why did the hammerhead shark want to get together with the saw shark?

They wanted to be good tools and build something together."  

Tess, referring to the appearance of Morley the elf: "Everyday since December, I've been looking for a little red thing hanging out."  

Tess, referring to Morley the elf: "We have a visitor."

Ryan reads the sign from Morley that says, "Dear Tess and Drew, I got a bit 'tire'd hanging out at the North Pole, so I decided to swing by your house."  

Ryan: "What do you think about it?"

Tess: "He usually says, 'I'm back,' so I don't know whether he's here just for the day or he's here until Christmas."  

Ryan: "Drew, did you know that I miss you when I'm at work?"

Drew: "I'm not going to miss you longer."

Ryan: "You're not?!  How come?!"

Drew: "'Cause when I'm seven, I can come to work with you" (referring to DOJ's Take Your Child to Work Day, which is for children ages 7 and older).  

Tess, after giving her testimony at church:  "I need a stress ball!!"  

Drew: "Dad, our ears are like a maze."  He puts a finger in his ear, traces it around, and announces: "I just finished the maze into my ear hole!"  

Tess, commenting on a car license plate that read "GB": "Ah, the people of Great Britain.  Good job on 'Peppa Pig'" ( referring to the TV cartoon show produced in Great Britain).  

Tess, commenting on a poster she saw that read "Give the gift of life.  Give blood": "I wouldn't want to open up a present to find a jar filled with blood." 

I (Miriam) dragged the kids along to an HOA meeting last night.  We packed toys, electronics, and drawing paper in an effort to keep the kids occupied.  Once we settled in at the meeting, I look over at Tess, who seemed thoroughly engrossed in the meeting discussion.  She leaned over and whispered to me, "I don't think I'm going to need any toys because this is actually very interesting!"

Drew: "Mom, you know that some people celebrate a different holiday at Christmas time?  Some people celebrate Harmonica!"

November

Miriam caught Drew in the cupboard. "I'm gonna use water, oil and color for an EXPERIANT!!!"

"You mean an experiment?"

"Yeah! I'm gonna make a 'splosion!!!"

October

When you're least expecting it, Drew now periodically breaks into song: "I always feel like somebody's watching me!"  We have his Nana (and her singing Halloween cat) to thank for that! 

Drew: "Mom, who you voting for?  Definitely not Donald Trump."  

Drew, getting a bit mixed up on Donald Trump's policy proposals: "Donald Trump doesn't want people from California to come to our part of our country."  

Drew, stalling as he heads upstairs to bed: "Mom, I'm very hungry and very sleepy, but I don't feel sleepy."  

September

Drew: "I'm reading!  I can't believe!" 

Drew, a minute later: "Maybe I'm the bestest kid in Kindergarten who can read!"  

Drew, reporting on his day at school: "Mom, a lot of kids were jealous of my hair 'cause it looks very good." 

August

Drew's feeling confident after his kindergarten open house: "Now it wheely feels like MY school too!"

Drew: "Dad, do bees sleep at night?"

Ryan: "Yes, I think so."

Drew: "They're just like us because we also sleep at night.  Except when we go out at night and play Pokemon."  

Drew, while making pancakes: "I wish there was a pancake batter pool so I could lick and drink it in my swimsuit."  

Drew the chef: "I'm going to wash my hands first. That's the most important thing before you do something."  

Tess: "Are you almost done with the Lego set?"

Ryan: "No."

Tess: "I want to see what it will look like when it's done."

Drew: "You can look at the box." 

July

Drew, in the car on the way to the airport: "I love looking out the window and being bored.  Sometimes it's good to be bored."  

Tess: "Drew is so impatient."

Ryan: "He's  five."

Tess: "The worst age in the history of ages."  

June

Drew, on seeing the Chesapeake Bay: "I'm enjoying the view."  

Tess, summing up the first leg of our car trip to the Outer Banks: "I've survived for almost about two hours."  

So we're having a life-skills summer.  Today was vacuuming 101.  Tess protested: "See this is why I'm going to be a doctor--so I don't have to do all this housework!!!"

Drew: "How come Tess got baptized and she's STILL mean?"

Drew has been annoying everyone since 7 a.m. by making a certain incessant, irritating noise. 

When Ryan asked what that was about, Drew said: "It's the noise a frog makes when it wants to find a mommy frog and get married." 

Not a bad impression, actually.

We kept the kids up late tonight because fireflies were out.  Tess was tickled and Drew couldn't stop squealing.  He was sad to let the fireflies go, but offered them flying lessons: "Flap your wings like this, little guy!"

Miriam: "Good morning, Drew, my sunshine!  You make me happy when skies are gray!"

Drew, looking at the weather out the window: "But not very happy when it's sunny?"

Drew, on his soccer team: "When I heard my team's name was 'Team Extreme,' I just knew my shirt was going to be blue.  'Cuz streams are always blue!"

Existential conversations with Drew:

Drew: "How people grow plants?"
Miriam: "They grow them from seeds."
Drew: "But how they get the seeds?"
Miriam: "Well, most plants make their own seeds.  Like apples--you can get seeds from apples."
Drew: "But how they get THOSE apples?"
Miriam: "Are you asking how we got the very first apple?"
Drew "No. How we got the first SEED?"

Drew: "Dad, when you have a home day, can you teach me how to do a wheely?  I can do a wheely one way.  I bonk my bike into a curb and my wheel goes up." 

Drew, after counting to 100 by 10s: "My brain is working so good.  I'm so smart."  

Ryan: "Drew, we should teach you how to cook this summer.  That way, when you get older, you'll be able to do what?"

Drew: "Make free mac and cheese for other people!"  

Drew, while watching a nature program: "Oh wow! That lizard can run on water--just like Jesus!"

May

Drew: "Squamitos [mosquitos] really like me.  That's 'cuz I have the most blood."  

Drew: "Mom, I know what would make me not want to do electronics so much.  A puppy."

Well played. Well played.

Reading Drew's bedtime story and he's picking out some words he can read. "I just can't believe! My brain is just so good!!"

Drew likes to use the iPad in the car, but he hates letting it go whenever we arrive.  He's not allowed to walk with the iPad because he doesn't look where he's going and will likely drop it or something.  He came up with a plan: "Maybe you can let me practice walking with the iPad on top of pillows on the ground. I can practice to not drop it."

I told Drew we have three friends coming to play tomorrow: Liam, Raif and Nielson. His response: "That ok. I can handle that. I can take care of them."

Drew, on eating split pea soup for dinner: "You know why I didn't like this when I was four?  'Cuz it looks like a swamp."


That moment when you ask your daughter her favorite song, and she tells you it's "Ride" by Twenty One Pilots.  What?  And then you find out that Ryan and Meredith have apparently colluded to introduce your children to "Blurryface," and your five-year-old can sing all the words to the song "Stressed Out." 
Drew (on repeat): "Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days, when our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out."


Drew: "Mom, I can't believe you have a kid who knows EVERYTHING about skateboards!  Ha!  Ha!  That kid is me!" 


I (Miriam) sometimes discuss politics with Tess, but not with Drew.  I mean he's only five.  That's why my jaw was on the ground yesterday when he heard the name Trump and said: "He's the baddest one ever.  He doesn't want other people to come where we live."  When I asked him how he knew that, he revealed his source: "Tess told me that." 

Ryan, after giving Drew a long talk about not going to the bathroom while outside: "Drew, let's go to the bathroom before we go out, so you won't need to go while you're outside."

Drew: "Yeah, that would be embarrassing!"  

Drew's song: "Tess is being rude  everytime she tells me my pants are backwards.  They're not backwards.  THEY'RE NOT!!"  

Ryan: "Drew, if you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?"

Drew: "A chicken.  He could sit on my head and lay eggs."  

April

Tess, after getting hurt: "Oww, it hurts so much!  It hurts more than stitches.  And I've never even had stitches!"  

Drew, while wearing a set of green vampire teeth: "Mom, can we get the Star Wars music?  'Cuz I'm making my own Star Wars movie.  It's about Darth Vader and how he goes good and stays good forever.  And he gets new teeth."

Drew: "There's only one thing that's the same about us, Mom.  We both like foot rubs."

The hardest part of having your super-fun Aunties and Dipsy come visit is having them leave.  Luckily they let us with one last sewing project, a drawer of real Star Wars underwear, and a great crepes recipe to remember them by.  Tess said, "Know what our house really needs?  Three more people named Meredith, Maureen, and Dipsy.  It's just too lonely now."


March

Tess: "Mom, I wish I grew up in the 1970s when they didn't care about child safety so much."  

Ryan: "Drew, put down the iPad so that you can hug me with your arms."  

Drew: "That's okay, you can use your arms."

Talking about Jesus' resurrection with Drew.  He commented, "I know what is not resurrected.  Dinosaurs!  Cause they're 'tinct.  That means dead."  

Drew was apparently frustrated with his sister.  On a piece of paper he wrote: "TESS OFF."


We drove past a restaurant today and Tess read a sign in the window:
"Special
Kids Eat Free"
Then she asked, "Mom, am I a special kid?"

Miriam was talking to Drew about how he was born.  I noticed Tess looking through a book on the human body.  I asked her what she was doing.  She replied: "I have a book about babies.  I think Mom needs some help talking to Drew."


Drew has plans this year to befriend our leprechaun.  He placed a dollar bill on a drawing of a leprechaun and inscribed it: "To the Leprechaun.   Fr[o]m Drew H."  He said, "Maybe if I be nice and give him some of my money, he'll give me some of HIS money!"

Ryan: "Drew, what do you know about leprechauns?"
Drew: "They love money and they love Lucky Charms (cereal).  They're just like me."


Miriam was saying a bedtime prayer with Drew when he reached out, put his hand over my mouth and interjected: "And thanks that I'm such a good artist that draws so much good stuff and does so much good things.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."  Then he removed his hand from Miriam's mouth so she could say, "Amen."


Getting Drew ready for bed last night, I watched him peel off one pair of long pants, then a pair of shorts, and then--not one--but TWO pairs of underwear.  His reasoning is that if he gets hot, he can take the long pants off and wear shorts.  


The librarian offered Drew a sticker when we were checking out our books.  On the way out, Drew peeled it off his shirt and handed it to me.  "You can have it, Mom.  You deserve it." 


Drew: "When I grow up, I'm gonna have a dog.  A dog that can skateboard.  'Cuz dogs can really do that.  Dogs can do skateboard tricks too.  And that's a true story." 


Drew told Miriam that at school he and his friends built a church out of blocks for cats.  Apparently the congregants were small, plastic cat figurines.  This is something I would've liked to see for myself.  So we had to come up with some songs the cats would sing at church: "Meow, meow a cat of God!"  We'll probably be struck by lightning. 


February


Miriam taught Drew's church class today.  He was excited to be her helper.  He exclaimed: "I gonna teach my friends about Star Wars and Jesus being born.  They kinda the same 'cuz they have both have STARS!?"

Drew, complaining about his hot bedroom: "I'm like a burning hot dog."

While getting Drew ready for bed tonight, he quipped, "What if when Tess grows up, she turns to the Dark Side?!?"

Drew: "When I grow up, I will live in Idaho near Dipsy and Papa and work at the library so I can get books for my own without paying for them.  'Cuz I will be the librarian."


January


After watching "The Empire Strikes Back," Drew began walking around with a piece of toilet paper across his paper across his face and announcing in a deep voice, "I am Light Vader."  When asked to explain the funny name, he said, "I couldn't find anything dark."

Snow homeschool by Tess: "Now, Drew, let me know if you need to go to the bathroom and I'll give you the hall pass." 


Siri is Tess' and Drew's favorite medium for issuing insults. 
Miriam: "Siri, what's my name?" 
Siri: "You're Miriam.  But since we're friends, I get to call you 'Fart.'  Good morning, Fart." 


Drew is still processing Christmas.  He said, "Mom, I know why we say 'Merry Christmas!'  'Cuz Mary was Jesus' mother!" 


Yesterday Drew told Miriam that he thinks a basketball machine would be a good idea. 
Drew: "You just push a button and it does it itself!" 
Miriam: "But Drew, you love to play basketball!  Isn't that the fun?  The playing part""
Drew: "No, Mom, I said a BACK MASSAGE machine!  I gonna invent it for you!  You just push a button, the arms come out and do it for you!"


Last night Drew's bedtime story was (a rather graphic version of) the 3 Little Pigs.  When we (Miriam and Drew) were done, he asked to have his ceiling fan on and I was concerned that he might get too cold.  Drew's response: "No, I won't be cold!  I'm as hot as a boiling wolf!"